The end of an era. Graduating from high school is such a huge accomplishment and it is so exciting, but to many teens, absolutely petrifying. I have worked with high school students, specifically juniors and seniors since 2008 (a long time, I know). As the end of senior year approaches, I have seen so many mixed emotions from both my students and my clients. They are excited, happy, sad, shocked, and sometimes indifferent. They are about to embark on their adult lives, whether it be dorming at college, commuting to college, attending trade school, going into the military, or going into the workforce. It is now officially “go time” for them.
Graduating high school and embarking on their new journey comes with a lot of changes and a lot of responsibly. They have been used to being told what to do by parents, teachers, and principals and have received a lot of guidance and help. For example, if a student is doing poorly in a class, teachers and counselors will talk to the parents, they will work with the students to help. In adult life, in the real world, it changes. They are expected to be mature, responsible, to do everything on their own, to prioritize correctly, and in some cases, such as college, they are doing this all on their own. Parents are not talking to professors. Professors are not going to school counselors with concerns of a student slipping with handing in work. It is more of a sink or swim type of situation.
Change can be wonderful, but many of us are scared of it because it is the unknown. As the summer months continue to fly by, many of times, I start to see some anxiety develop or increase in my clients that are getting ready to start college, especially from the clients who are going to dorm. They are leaving everything that they have known: their hometown, their family, their friends, their home. So the question is, how do we help them?
As a therapist, communication is always something that I continue to push and emphasize the importance of it. Talking to your collegebound teen about what they are feeling, what they may be scared of, and what could possibly be concerning to them is always a great start. Empathize with them. Share stories of a time where you faced a huge change and explain how you handled it.
Something that I say quite often to my clients and students is the only thing permanent in life is death (and taxes of course). The reasoning behind this is that we can always make a change. The change may not be the most ideal or easiest such as transferring colleges and losing some credits, but it is possible to do and can be done. When you try to rewind your life to when you were 18, think about how much pressure was on you. What are you majoring in? What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Those questions are major life decisions that some 18 year olds are just not ready to answer. So I always explain that nothing in life is permanent and if you come to a point where you may want to make a change, that is okay.
Positivity…. This is something else that I preach on a daily basis to students and clients. As a parent, talk to them about all of the great things that are going to happen when they go to college. They are changing locations and are able to explore a different part of New Jersey or a different state all together. (Not everyone has been able to do that in life). Talk about all of the new friends they will make, the interesting professors they will meet they have so much life experience to talk to their students about. Talk about how fun it will be to decorate a new room or how great you heard the college food was. Help them to balance their anxious feelings with positive, happy feelings.
Sometimes, first year college students need a little more help adjusting then others. If you think that your child may, then be proactive and start to research counseling in and around their college. You can also find a local therapist to help them prior to going away, to help make the transition smoother. If you feel your college bound student could use someone to talk to please do not hesitate to reach out!