Divorce happens… Sometimes children expect it, sometimes they do not. Regardless, it is a huge adjustment. Everything a child has known within their immediate family is now changing. And although the change may be good in many ways, it is a still a change. And change can be hard for many people, whether it be good or bad.
So how can you help your child or teenager while going through a divorce….
One of the most important things to do is to keep your child out of the line of fire. Sometimes divorces can be a bit rocky and involve disagreements. It is important to not expose your child to this. They are already going through an uncomfortable situation and parents arguing in front of them does not help this. It is important to not speak poorly about the other parent and to only tell children information that is pertinent to them.
Checking in with your child about their feelings consistently is always good. Sometimes, they want to talk, and if they do, that is great. But other times, they shut down and this is something you want to try to prevent. Many times, parents will take a proactive approach and put their child in counseling while the divorce is going on. This can provide them a safe space to talk about the divorce and their parents. Many times, children do not want to upset their parents because they can see you are already stressed. Other times, they may have something negative to say but hold it in to not be disrespectful and that is where therapy can help.
Often times they are worried about their schedule, things they are used to be a certain parent on days they are not with them, holiday schedules, and dating. Having discussions with them about this can ease some of their stress. There are always creative ways to help with some concerns as well. For example, if your child is worried about Mom helping with their math homework on days Dad has them, you could talk about this. Maybe you can set up a FaceTime, or maybe Dad can reassure that he can help with math homework. Coming up with some solutions or even pointing out positives can help reassure them that everything is going to be okay. And the most important…. Letting your child know that regardless of what is happening between both parents, they are loved and they are a priority.